How to Survive Super Bowl Week Part 3

So here we are, Super Bowl week Friday. Only two days until the big game. Let’s review a few things. You are still looking at the Super Bowl Box Pool “magic” paper copy on your desk. You are planning your outing Saturday morning to the big box store warehouse and you have your “cool” Super Bowl outfit picked out for Sunday. Remember you and Patrick’s sister-in-law can’t show up before 6pm. Now I know that means you might not get a prime seat on the couch in front of Pat’s 60 incher, but don’t worry,you’ll just slide over when all your former Sports Nerd friends leave at half-time. Here’s a new one for the list. Singles and five dollar bills. No, your not going to a strip joint during halftime (have you ever?). You need a few extra bucks in your pockets to make some fun “side” bets with your new found football friends.

We never really finished up learning about the SBBP from Part 1 so here goes. You will neatly fold up your “magic” paper copy that you highlighted in yellow and bring it with you on Sunday. Make sure you know your “magic” numbers. As an example you have Cardinals 7 and Steelers 3 for one of your THREE boxes you bought from Hank. You only need to look at your numbers near the end of each quarter. As a review you bought a $10 box in a 100 box pool so the entire pool is worth $1,000. Let’s play a little “what if” now. At the end of the first quarter Arizona leads Pittsburgh 7-3. You win that quarter. That’s $125 bucks in your right front pocket on Monday morning. At halftime it’s Pittsburgh 13 – Arizona 7. You win again. Remember there is no 13 on the SBBP so you look under the 3 for Pittsburgh. Another $250 for your right front pocket on Monday. By now Pat’s sister-in-law and his hot wife are really proud of you and they squeeze in real close to you to watch Bruce Springsteenbruce-springsteen at half-time. All the Sports Nerds are saying there good-byes and the Sports Fans want to know how your going to spend that $375. Cut to the end of the third quarter and the Cardinals are back in front 17-13. You are the luckiest guy at the party and another $125 will find it’s way into your right front pocket early Monday morning (Do you remember how to get to the mail room?). By this time Pat’s sister-in-law is all over you. You can’t remember the last time she was crawling all over you like this. You are the hit of the party. $500 is a nice way to start the week. But wait, the final score is worth another $500. The fourth quarter is really exciting (you think) and both teams score and the game is tied at 27-27 as the fourth quarter is coming to the end. Now you’re really bummed because Hank from the mail room has 7 and 7 in the SBBP and he’s going to win the $500 for the final score. Just then Pat’s neighbor, who everybody calls Chickie (you never asked why) announces that this will be the first Super Bowl ever to go into Overtime. You freak out a little as the Sports Nerd in you re-appears for a few seconds, but you calm down and remember that Overtime means they keep playing the game. During the 14th Bud Light commercial between the fourth quarter and Overtime you get the courage to go over to speak to Chickie and ask him what happens if the Cardinals score a touchdown in overtime. You figured out that a touchdown is worth 6 points and that would give the Cardinals 33 and the Steelers 27. Your really concerned and confused when Chickie tells you that the extra point is not kicked during overtime and based upon the scenario you laid out the 500 bucks for the final score would be awarded to you and not Hank on Monday morning. A clean sweep of all 4 payouts, a thousand dollars and the admiration of everyone at work. You can’t wait! Remember I played a little “what if”, so don’t get all that excited yet.

OK Sports Guru, what’s the deal with the extra money I need to bring on Sunday. I spent lot’s of money on Saturday buying all that artery clogging crap you wrote about in Part 2 (yes I know it was hard to pass on the bread bowl filled with vegetable dip). Why do I need to spend more money? Pat never asked me to pay to go to his party before. You need money to bet on the “Prop” bets with all your new football friends. As you know, EVERYBODY bets on the Super Bowl. What you might have not known is that you can bet on almost anything that happens before, during and after the game. You can bet on the coin-flipsuperbowl-coin-toss. You can bet on how long the National Anthem takes to be sung. You can bet on the commercials. You can bet on what the announcer says. You can bet on what color tie the TV announcer wears. Heck you can even bet which teams cheerleaders will be shown the most http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Super-Bowl-prop-bets-the-most-fun-way-to-give-V?urn=nfl,136235.

So that’s it. The Sports Guru 3 part plan to Surviving Super Bowl Week. Just remember to be careful when the Sports Fans start to talk all sorts of numbers and stats to not break out in a cold sweat and tip them off your not really one of them. You see, they will toss you in the back yard with Pat’s dog so fast you won’t have the time to bet the over/under on how long you will locked outside with the dog………. The Sports Guru is taking the Cardinals and the 7 points that your brother-in-law Pat is giving me.

Here is a little YouTube video to help you get ready for the game on Sunday.

Enjoy the game.

Your Friend in Sports,

Dave the Sports Guru

How to Survive Super Bowl Week

When I started this blog last spring the main goal was to help Sports Nerds become more comfortable with sports. I realize that Super Bowl week might just be the worst week of the year for Sports Nerds. But have no fear, the Sports Guru has devised a 3 part plan to get you from the thumb sucking prenatal position to being the hit of Super Bowl Sunday.

For years now, Mary from the IT department and Hank from the mail room have passed by your cubicle during Super Bowl week Monday with a strange looking piece of paper. fooball-squares1

Since you have never stopped them, they walk right past you and down the hall to visit your co-worker Stan (rhymes with Sports Fan). Have you ever wondered about that “magic” piece of paper EVERYBODY else on your floor talks about all of Super Bowl week? The “magic” piece of paper is called the Super Bowl Box Pool. It is really nothing to be afraid of. Here is all you really need to know about the SBBP.

The paper is diveded into 100 boxes. Ten on the x-axis and ten on the y-axis (you are a math nerd also, correct?). What Mary or Hank wants from you is your name or initials in those boxes. Not all of them, just a few. It will cost you money to put your name or initials on the SBBP.

Lets do some quick math now. Using $10 as a base, each SBBP when fully completed will be worth $1,000 (100 boxes times $10 each). Some SBBP are more and some could be less, but the concept is the same. Base bet times 100.

Now here’s the fun part. When Hank walks by your cubicle this week, you need to yell out really loud, “Hank give me 3 boxes this year”. Since Hank has never stopped by your cubicle before, you might have to chase him down the hall. Don’t worry about that. Just be real loud and proud when you yell, “Hank give me 3 boxes this year” and hand over your $30. Exact change will endear you to Hank for at least a year.

So now you have given Hank your 30 bucks and he has picked up his jaw that dropped to the ground and has stopped staring at you like you spoke to him in Mandarin. What’s next on the path from Sports Nerd to Sports Fan? You boldly take your pen and write your name or initials in your 3 boxes. Spread out your boxes around the “magic” paper if you can. Be very careful to keep your marking in your own boxes, it is SBBP etiquette to not run into someone else’s box. At this point Hank will thank you, he will walk away muttering to himself and you have taken step one in your Super Bowl transformation. When you make your way back towards you cubicle make sure to yell real loud again “Thanks for the 3 boxes Hank”. When you do make it back to your cubicle, sit back in your chair and stare blankly at your computer monitor because you really have no idea on what you have just done. Don’t worry, Sports Guru Dave will now tell you more about the “magic” piece of paper.

After an unproductive 90 minutes of work, Mary and Hank made it back to the offices with a fully filled out SBBP and a thousand dollars.

I know what your thinking, “that’s how Hank goes on that fishing trip with his brother-in-law Roscoe every spring”. No, Hank is not ripping off his co-workers. Hank calls over his supervisor Tom to help him with the next step of the SBBP. While Hank has been walking the halls collecting ten bucks a box, Tom has been secretly preparing the next step of the SBBP. He has carefully folded and cut another piece of paper (not magic) into 10 squares. He writes the numbers 0 through 9, one digit on each of the 10 carefully folded and cut squares. He then places those paper squares in a lunch bag or hat. Anything that will protect those squares from being seen by human eyes. Depending on how much free time Tom and Hank have, or how complicated they want to make the next steps, they basically will randomly choose a piece of paper from the hat and write that number over the very first column (x-axis) on the SBBP. They proceed until all 10 numbers have been filled in across the top of the SBBP. They will do the same on the y-axis rows. The next step is critical, they will flip a coin and decide which axis will represent the Arizona Cardinals and which the Pittsburgh Steelers (you did remember they are playing in Super Bowl XLIII this Sunday in Tampa). At this point the SBBP is complete and more fun can happen.

I know, I know. You still have no clue what is going on. Hank will come back down the hall to give you a copy of the completed SBBP. football_pool-1 Remember, he never really stopped in your cubicle so be on the lookout for him with your copy. Hold the “magic” paper copy tightly in your two hands and look for your bold signatures in your 3 boxes (I know you were cheap and only bought one). Now take a yellow high-lighter and mark off your 3 boxes. Notice the numbers along the tops of the columns and along the rows. Mark off these numbers also. As an example your coordinates might look like Pittsburgh 6, Arizona 3 for box one. Pittsburgh 1, Arizona 2 for box two and Pittsburgh 8, Arizona 6 for your third box. These are your “numbers” You will need them for Sunday.

I could tell you more about your “numbers“, but since this is a 3 part plan you will need to wait until part 3 to learn how your “numbers” on the “magic” piece of paper copy will fill your pants pockets with cash next Monday morning. Now go find Mary or Hank, NOW………..

A quick follow-up to last Fridays blog https://sportsnerds.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/losing-builds-character/.

Miss Indiana was named Miss America for 2009, extending Miss Georgia’s not winning streak to 56 years. Miss America And the basketball coach at Covenant high school in Dallas has been fired for letting his team beat the Dallas Academy 100-0. http://sports.espn.go.com/highschool/rise/basketball/girls/news/story?id=3859935

Your Friend in Sports,

Dave the Sports Guru